


Save Me

by Zags96



Category: Amar a Muerte
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accident, F/F, Happy Ending, Healing, Heavy Drinking, No Character Death, Physical Therapy, Wedding, hospital stay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2020-06-07 18:50:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19475194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zags96/pseuds/Zags96
Summary: Valentina and Juliana are recently engaged and catapulted into the chaos of wedding planning. Over involved family, under involved bride, and questioning of commitment leave the girls on thin ice with each other. But all it takes is one accident to throw it all into prospective...or maybe send them spiraling out of control.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Aka and Ambs for the support and ideas! 
> 
> And to Jamie who gave me the motivation to write this sequel! I hope, despite the angst, you will enjoy it.

It was a stupid argument. One I knew I never should have started. But it was too late for that. It was too late the moment I stepped into the rain slick street outside the cake shop. My foot touched the pavement sending an angry splash of water around my pant legs. I hadn’t cared at the time, too busy trying to get away from Juliana; from the ache that radiated through my ribcage at her lack of caring for our wedding. At the time, it was a knife to the chest. The first person I fall for after losing my late-fiancée, Mae, blatantly not giving a fuck about what our wedding will be like? Yeah, it hurt. 

I just wanted a moment alone to clear my head. But instead, I stepped out into the road to cross the street to the old gazebo in town square, only to hear the screeching of tires racing toward me. 

The weather was shit. It was raining, the ground was covered in puddles, and it certainly didn’t help that where I stood was at the bottom of a hill. Most locals know not to go near that hill in this weather; it’s basically suicide—or manslaughter depending on the outcome. But this was a truck, one that probably rarely came to the area. The truck driver didn’t know. He didn’t know there would be a newly engaged couple arguing by the road. He didn’t know one of the women—me—would be crossing the street. He definitely didn’t know he would skid out of control the moment he tried to hit the break. 

I thought, this is it, this is where I die. How could the thought not cross my mind? A truck careening toward me, desperately trying to slow down. He was honking, waving his hand dramatically gesturing for me to get out of the way. 

My feet are frozen in place. As if I have been waiting for this moment. Or maybe I was just too petrified to register that I could die. 

“Val!” Juliana’s voice broke through the sound around me. and then…he body connected with mine. My body fell harshly to the ground and I watched in abject horror as the truck turns and clipped Juliana in the side. 

Everything was in slow motion, like the forces that be were taunting me. Showing me a frame by frame of the accident. Juliana’s body crumpled in the street, water and blood mix on the ground. People are screaming—or maybe it’s me. I could hear sirens in the distance. Someone appeared next to me, their voices distant; drowned out by the sound of my blood rushing, my heart breaking, and my mind screaming. 

“I can’t find a pulse!” A bystander yells, looking around helplessly. My mind flashes back to Mae’s lifeless body in the bathtub, blood everywhere, a shiny new engagement ring in my pocket. I was too late; too late to save her, too late to spend my life with her. 

And here I am again, blood spilled, a lifeless body, and I’m at the center of the chaos. 

“Miss, miss?” the person beside me yelled. I lifted my head, turning to look at them. The look in their eyes registered my face, “Valentina, are you okay?” 

I shook my head, eyes drifting back to Juliana’s body as the ambulance finally arrives. “It’s all my fault.” 


	2. Part One: Don't Wanna Be Lonely, Just Wanna Be Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juliana and Valentina just got engaged and are sent on a whirlwind of a time trying to plan the wedding. Family is overly involved and one bride is under-involved. Every up and down leads to the fateful rainy day and a terrible car accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Aka and Ambs for all the support and helping me flush out details. Also, for reading every single new section I came out with and hyping me up. Love you both tremendously!

I said yes. The day that Juliana asked me to marry her—as cliché as it sounds—all those missing pieces in my life fell into place like she was the one to have this whole time. Our relationship hadn’t been anything more than one of convince and desperation. She needed an escape and a place to stay for the holidays and I needed a woman to pretend to be my girlfriend. Nothing more complex was supposed to happen; it wasn’t a part of the plan. But, I guess, you really can’t plan for love. All those cheesy romance movies that I used to make fun of; all those characters I would scoff at for so easily throwing away all their plans for one person; I understood it now. 

Looking at Juliana across the room, my heart thrummed evenly in my chest, I knew that this curveball that came out of left field was well worth any and all pain I endured.

Juliana caught my eye and smiled brightly.

Yeah, well worth it. I smiled back.

My family was in a rowdy state around us. Champagne was broken out courtesy of Tiberio. There had been no more than a twenty-minute gap between the proposal and Eva taking over the wedding planning. My dad joined in, clashing feverishly with Eva; both trying to one up each other. I considered it comical at the time, because of course my engagement to Juliana was being used as a tug-o-war game between my family members. In hindsight, though, it was far from funny.

“I’m thinking an outdoor wedding, a nature type setting,” Eva gestured grandly in front of her. My father scoffed. “Val and Juliana would look beautiful in white standing amongst earthy-tones. They would really pop.”

“But, imagine them by the ocean!” My dad exclaimed, sending some of her champagne out of her glass. “The sunsetting along the horizon in the background.” His voice became dreamy and far off.

“Or, maybe,” I finally spoke up, “Juls and I would like to have an input in our own wedding plans.” Eva and my dad turned and looked at me, eyes darting between Juls and me.

“You’re right, Valentina, you should have a say,” My dad said. “Where do you think you’d like to be married?”

“I—I don’t know…yet.”

“Juliana?” Eva inquired, turning the attention away from me.

“Oh, um, whichever the two you and Leon said sounded lovely,” Juliana smiled easily.

“See, Valentina? Juls agrees with us,” My dad’s pleased grin dug under my skin.

I should’ve known that wasn’t going to be the end of it. I thought maybe Juls was attempting to keep the mood light, the tension low. But that was the start of everything. The beginning of Juls having only a vested interest in what either my family or I wanted. I never heard about what she wanted or liked. For months after our engagement as the wedding planning fell in full swing. Ideas were thrown around; everyone gave their input. And I mean everyone—Chivis, Mateo, Renata, Lucho, Uncle Johny, even Bella had her two cents to contribute. My whole family, but Juliana.

At first, I thought maybe she didn’t know what she wanted. Maybe she had never imagined what her wedding day would be like. And, I understood that to a certain degree. But after the first couple weeks, it became apparent that maybe she didn’t know what she wanted.

Did she even want me?

A little more than two years ago Juliana had left me for Sergio. I know she fell into the enticing embrace of familiarity and comfort. Despite the few years, the multiple promises, and the mountain of trust we have for each other…my mind can’t help but going to that place. The place where those insecurities and fears lay dormant. And I can still hear them now and again, whispering, echoing, pulling me back in…

I love Juliana, more than anything. And I know she loves me, too. But, I started questioning how much. Did she propose because she thought it was the right thing to do? That it was an opportune time? I don’t know. I don’t. and for the past four months, I have been fighting with myself about it.

There are days where she is nothing but invested in our relationship, in the life we built together, in our wedding.

Then there are days where she’s simply not; I’m reaching out to her and grasping at air, falling over myself just to graze her arm. Like a ghost sweeping through a room, there one second, gone the next, never really sure if I’m truly seeing her.

Those days were few and far between until a few weeks ago. Until we finally set a date, found a venue, started looking into all the other details. And Juliana just faded out. She voiced her opinion rarely or when she did, it was to please me or compromise to please my dad and Eva. Never was it about her.

Like our venue. We ended up deciding on a historic building near our town. There was a beautiful outdoor space, flowers blooming across the expanse of the yard, trees hiding the ceremony spot from the front of the building. But behind it, oh, behind the place where we will say “I do,” a little ways in the distant horizon is where the sun kisses the water each night.

I spent hours arguing with my dad and Eva about locations and venues. Guille kept insisting we just do it in the backyard.

“There’s trees and water,” he kissed his fingertips, “magnificent, yes? Problem solved. You’re welcome.” And then he strutted out of the room as we all stared after him.

“Well, that’s absolutely not going to happen,” my dad said quickly. “Besides, the beach is the best location. A summer wedding would be perfect.”

“Summer weddings are so hot, dad,” Eva rolled her eyes. “Outdoor weddings, amongst the trees—that can happen in any season.”

“I don’t know if we want—” I start to say, but I’m cut off.

“Why not both,” Juliana spoke up. “The sunset over the water would be picturesque, and the foliage could allow for shade if we settle on a summer date.” My dad and Eva hum in thought before nodding in agreement.

“A compromise.” My dad smiled.

“I can picture it already,” Eva began to jot notes down on a piece of paper. It may not have been exactly what I had imagined, but Juliana was trying. She was offering up ideas, and the more I thought about it, the more I loved the idea. Because it came from Juliana.

We shared a soft smile, a squeeze of the hand, and called it a day with wedding stuff. We strolled through town back to our house. Laughing, kissing, imagining what our life will be like once we are married. Dogs, and kids, and family vacations. She was finally stepping into the role as a bride with me, finally taking our wedding into her hands with me. But, fuck, I was wrong.

“What do you think about these colors?” Eva held up swatches and pictures of flower arrangements in pastel colors, dark colors, and simple colors. Anything and everything for all seasons and occasions.

“I love the pastel tones,” I said pointing to the blush and champagne colored arrangements. “What about you, baby?” I turned to Juliana. Her eyes scanned the images in front of us before smiling at me.

“Val loves the pastels, so I think we should go with that.”

“Lovely,” Eva says collecting the images up and writing in her notebook before disappearing to make phone calls.

This kept happening.

“If Val is happy with those tablecloths, then we should go with those.”

“Yeah, a DJ would be a better option, just like Val said. Besides, it’s what she wants, right?”

“I don’t know, Val what do you want?”

From food, to photographers, to guest lists.

It was all about me. And sure, some blushing brides would die for that. For free reign over their big day. But I didn’t want our wedding to reflect only me. I wanted it to be the both of us, Juliana and Valentina. Valdes. Carvajal. Valdes-Carvajal. I didn’t care. I just wanted it to be us, making these decisions together. Compromising with each other. Not this. Not this “please Val at all costs” bullshit.  
I probably should have talked to her sooner, before it had been months of letting her only do what she thought would make me happy. And as we were walking through the street again, back to our house, I let myself build up the courage to finally speak up about this frustration. I couldn’t keep letting this go on, especially when the fears inside my mind were telling me she’s only doing this out of obligation, not love. I needed to know that she’s in this with me; that she saw this as her wedding as much as it was mine. 

“Juliana,” I said stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. Juliana didn’t hear me and kept walking. “Juliana. Can you—we need to talk!” I called after her loudly, jostling her from her thoughts as she looked back at me. People walked past us with ease, glancing back curiously. Slowly, she approached me, confusion etched in the lines on her face. 

“What’s wrong?” She gently grasped my hand in hers. Her eyes softened as they search mine, taking in the chaos and panic I was positive she saw swirling in them. It was moments like this, moments where I had nothing but her rapt attention and love that made me wonder if everything I had been feeling was just my own imagination. But that doubt, that fear, it kept creeping in. I swore the door was closed to those thoughts each time, yet somehow they slipped through the cracks and crevices, forcing themselves onto the happier thoughts I had about us. “Val? What’re you thinking about, love?”

“You. Us. Our wedding,” I shrugged and tore my gaze away from hers. 

“I’m not—I’m not sure I’m following…” She said slowly. “I’m happy, I thought you were happy. I—We’re getting married, Valentina. I’ve never wanted anything more than this.”

I snapped my gaze back to her, voice shaking. “Really? ‘Cause it doesn’t seem like it to me.” 

“Wha—what? Where is this coming from?” Juliana stepped back, eyes widening. 

“You’ve been absent lately. From us, from the wedding. It doesn’t seem like you care at all what happens.”

“I do care.” She blinked rapidly, shaking her head. “I don’t understand…why would you think—I care so much about our wedding, Val.”

“You have a funny way of showing it,” I scoffed looking anywhere but at her. She approached slowly, her hand gently touched my chin forcing me to look at her. 

“I want to marry you, Valentina. I want the wedding, and the kids, and—and all of it with you. I just want to make you happy. I want what you want,” she gently smiled. “It doesn’t matter to me if we got married right here on the side of the road with just us and your family. But I want you to have the wedding you dreamed of.” 

“The wedding I imagined has two involved brides, not just one.” I sighed and pulled back from her touch. “You’re not just trying to make me happy, Juliana . You’re trying to please my family and me! Trying to—trying to keep the peace and remain in good standing with them, but at what cost to our relationship?”

“I—I just—” She ran her hand through her hair. “I haven’t had a family in a very long time…and I’m finally going to have one. I don’t want to lose that.” 

Those words floated in my mind, each one settled like a brick at the bottom of my stomach. It hurt in a way I wasn’t anticipating. I thought maybe she was overwhelmed. Maybe she didn’t know what she wanted. Either of those options would have been better than the idea that she wanted to marry me for my family. For a family. 

“You know, I’m starting to think the reason you asked me to marry you was just to have some semblance of a family again,” I shook my head backing up. 

“Val, wait, that’s not—” Juliana took a step toward me, reaching out for me. I pulled myself out of her reach further, hands going up to rub my face. 

“I need space right now.” 

“Val—” She tried again. 

“Please, just, give me that.” I didn’t wait for an answer, I turned on my heel and left her standing on the sidewalk. 

*** 

I didn’t go home that night. I couldn’t. My family gave me questioning looks when I walked into the house without Juliana . There were questions, curious glances, but I ignored them all. The more they spoke, the more I wanted to run away from them, too. Instead, I hid out in my room, closing myself off from them like I did with Juliana . It wasn’t easy, it didn’t feel great. But the thought of talking to anyone about this, of going home to Juliana, left an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

So, I spent the night hiding away in my room. The night passed slowly; the stars shone brightly through my window. I watched the moon rise and fall, wondering if maybe Juliana was looking at it, too. 

Our relationship had never been easy, simple, or perfect to say the least. We started out as strangers, turned confidants, then lovers, then—then she left me. And, yeah, that hurt. Certainly, wasn’t a gold star moment in our relationship, but she came back. She came back and that’s all that should matter.

Right? 

Juliana came back, and she loved me. She proposed to me two years later, in front of my whole family. We were happy, and in love, and it was everything I wanted and so much more. I hadn’t even known I wanted it until I met her. After losing Mae, the idea of losing anyone else was too much to handle. And even though we’re engaged, even though she has been nothing but loving and supportive until recently—in my eyes anyway—I couldn’t help but doubt her reasoning. 

She came with me here after her boyfriend dumped her. She stayed out of obligation. She left for comfort but came back for me. Did she really come back for me? Or had I become the new normal for her—a new comfort zone for her to fall into. Was she enticed by the idea of a family that I know she so clearly lacked for most of her life? 

Maybe I wasn’t giving her enough credit. 

I love her. I trust her, but there has got to be an explanation for her actions. We were planning our wedding for fucks sake. 

There was a knock at my door and Guille poked his head into my room. 

“Hey, Vale, care to talk?” I shrugged. He took it as a sign to come into the room, closing the door behind him, before he sat on the bed next to me. We sat side by side in silence, staring out the window together. “Where’s Juliana?”

“Home.” 

“Why aren’t you with her?” 

“We had a fight.” I whispered finally looking at my brother. 

“Couples fight,” He said simply. 

“I guess,” I shrugged again. “We just—we normally don’t? I mean, not about huge things.”

“The wedding.” I nodded. “Are you guys not agreeing on things?”

“No, we are.”

“Then what’s—I don’t understand. What’s the problem?” 

“She doesn’t have a single opinion about anything, Guille. Everything is about me and what I want. Or what dad and Eva want. It’s like she doesn’t care about it at all,” I said finally heaving a frustrated sigh. “I just wanted her to care, to be in this with me. Instead, it’s like I’m dragging all the weight and she’s coasting off everyone else’s decisions.”

“So…you fought about her caring about your happiness…”

“What—no that’s not—!” I stumbled shaking my head. 

“Look, sis, I can see your frustrations, but did you let her explain herself?”

“I—well—she said she wanted what I wanted, that she wanted a family…” I trailed off slowly. He chuckled softly. 

“Juliana loves you more than anything, you know that, right?”

“It doesn’t seem like it right now…” I sighed, slumping against the headboard of the bed. 

“Vale, not everyone can say that they have a fiancée that cares more about your happiness than their own—no, scratch that. Your happiness is her happiness. I’m not saying what you’re feeling is invalid, there’s a reason you feel this way. But fighting and running away from her isn’t going to solve anything.” He tapped my thigh with his hand before sliding off the bed. “You can either stay here, hiding from her, angry and upset. Or you can go back home and talk to her. Whatever you do, I will support you.”

“Thanks, Guille.” I smiled as he opened the door. He stopped and looked back at me. 

“But if you stay here, you’re an idiot.” The door slammed shut just as the pillow I threw thumped against the wood. 

“Asshole!” I yelled, only to hear a loud laugh echoed through the hallway. An asshole with a point though… 

*** 

I walked into the house late at night, technically morning, though the darkness outside was consuming. The lights in the house were off, but it didn’t stop me from seeing the silhouette of Juliana sitting on the couch, illuminated only by the moonlight flooding in. She was staring blankly at the space above the front door. If it weren’t for the occasionally blinking I was witnessing from across the room, I would have thought she was asleep.

Slowly, I approached, crouching in front of her and placing my hand on her knee. She blinked cautiously as she focused her gaze on me. “Val?” She whispered, a noticeable scratch to her voice. Her eyes were puffy, red, dark bags settled beneath them.

“Hey, baby…” I responded, brushing her cheek gently.

“What—” she blanched. “What’re you doing here? I didn’t think—didn’t think you were coming home…”

“I talked with Guille.”

“Oh, he convinced you to come back…” She sighed and pulled her eyes away from mine.

“No, he knocked some sense into me.” I tried to find her eyes again, to be able to say this directly to her, but she won’t look at me. “I wasn’t being fair earlier; I didn’t give you a chance to explain. And I’m sorry, Juliana, you didn’t deserve that. You definitely didn’t deserve to be sitting here alone in our house.”

“I was starting to think you weren’t coming home at all…” As she turned back to me, her eyes were watering, trailing down her cheeks. “Everything I said kept coming out wrong.”

“Can we talk about it again?” I asked. “I want— I need to understand why you’ve been acting so disinterested, Juli.” There was a tense silence that spanned for several minutes, before she nodded. The couch springs squeaked as she shifted, letting me sit across from her. Our positions mimicked the first time we had talked in-depth. Back before we were faking dating, before I introduced her to my family. She was a stranger then, as we sat with our backs pressed against the arms of the couches, feet mere inches apart.

We’re not strangers anymore. Though, these positions are far from the cozy couple we were months ago.

She reached behind her and turned the lamp on, lighting up the room in a harsh and bright light. We both definitely looked like shit. Considering the lack of sleep and the fact that it was nearly two in the morning; we absolutely looked like shit.

“Please don’t doubt that I love you,” Juliana pleaded softly. “I would never propose to you just to have a family, just to—just because. That wouldn’t be—not after you lost, Mae. Not after you’ve already suffered enough from that, from me leaving you those years ago.”

“That’s not what I’m asking,” I said.

“I know, but I need—I have to start somewhere.” Juls shifted in her spot, tucking her knees up and resting her chin on them. “I love you; I love your family, I want to be apart of it. But that’s not why I proposed. You could have absolutely no one but yourself, and I would still want to marry you. You’re the only family I need, Valentina. Please, trust me on that.”

“But you said—” I shook my head, brows furrowed.

“I said I didn’t want to lose your family, I know. But you took it the wrong way—”

“Oh, so this is my fault now?”

“No, that’s not—” She sighed, dropping her head into her hands. “You—I….fuck.”

“How is there any other way to take that, Juliana? You want to choose the options that make them happy, but what about you? What about what you want?” My voice grew louder, filling the quiet that surrounded us in our neighborhood.

“I want—” Her eyes stared off into the distance cautiously before looking back at me. “I want to make you happy, Val. Making you happy is all I care about. So, yeah, I side with you—“

“More like you just don’t have an opinion.”

“My opinion is that it makes you happy, so it makes me happy, too.”

“That’s such bullshit, Juls! Where’s the passion? Where’s the care? Where—where the hell is the woman I fell in love with?” A heavy silence fell upon us.

“I—Look, I grew up dirt poor. Kids were terrified of me because of my father. No one wanted anything to do with me. I watched—I watched my family die. I didn’t have the privilege to dream of a big extravagant wedding, or a wedding at all. Honestly, I never thought I’d find someone to love me as I am…But then I found you.” She smiled sadly.

“So, what? You’re not invested in the wedding because…my family has money?” I said, anger slowly building inside me.  
Another shrug. “What do you give the woman who could have anything?”

“You could start by giving me your honest opinion, Juliana.”

“I want you to be—”

“Don’t say it again.” I snapped.

“I just want you to be happy!” She yelled. “Is that so bad?”

“Yes!” I yelled back. “Yes, it is, when it’s costing you your own happiness!”

“Valentina—” She started and stopped again. I could tell she was mulling over her words carefully. “If you’re happy, then I am, too. It’s that simple.”

“But I’m not, can’t you see that? I’m not happy, Juls.” I looked around our house, pictures lining the walls, smiling faces looking back at me. We built a life here. A new life...one away from the ghosts of our pasts. A life where we were at ease, in love, and ready for the next step. Or at least I thought we were…

We built this life together, I didn’t want to tear it down for nothing. I wanted to—to fix it, patch it up, make it shiny and new again. This was our life together, and I didn’t want it to end with the two of us. I wanted more—I wanted to build a family with her. But, how could I do that when there was doubt? 

“You’re—you’re not happy…” She repeated to herself.

“I’m not happy, because all I’ve wanted was for you to be involved in this with me. I know you didn’t have much, but we have what we need now. We can have the wedding of our dreams, but I won’t be happy if you’re not making these decisions with me.”

“I—I don’t know—”

“What? You don’t know what you want, Juliana?”

“No, that’s not—” Juls tried to back pedal, but I didn’t want to hear it.

“If you don’t know what you want, then why are we even getting married?” I stood up, pushing away from the couch, not sure where I was even going but knowing I wanted to leave. Asking a question I didn’t even want to know the answer to was definitely not my best decision. My heart was in my stomach, my lungs seized, and mind raced. I tried to look everywhere but at Juls, but the moment my eyes fell on her, the hurt on her face broke me. But I didn’t get to apologize before she spoke up.

“Valentina, stop it,” Juls said forcefully, though her voice wavered slightly. “I want to marry you, I made that commitment to you and I meant it—still mean it. What I meant was—I just—I don’t know what kind of wedding I want. I don’t care what it looks like, okay? I don’t, because at the end of the day I get to marry you. I get to call you my wife, Val. We could get married in you parent’s backyard, with close friends and family, and that’s all I would need. All I would want.

“I don’t care what color the tablecloths are, or how many seats per table, or what shape the tables even are. But it matters to you. So, yeah, I side with you, I choose what you choose, because it makes you happy. I thought it would make you happy.” At the end, she was crying. Tears freely fell down her face, chest heaving with anxiety. “I’m sorry it’s been making you so upset, I swear, that wasn’t my intention, love. All I want is to ensure your happiness.”

I crossed the room back over to her, sitting next to her again, closer this time. Our knees pressed together, hands clasped desperately in each other’s. We both sighed at the contact.

“I—I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come at you like that,” I leaned my forehead against hers. “The way you’ve been coming across lately has really hurt me and, I won’t lie, has placed a lot of doubt back into my mind. But, can you promise me something?”

“Anything, Vale.”

“Can you try? For me, can you—can you try to care about the stupid little details?” I begged, voice soft and broken. Pinky outstretched to her like all the times before. 

“I promise, I’ll try my best.” Her pinky wrapped around mine and we kissed sweetly, softly, slowly. It was tentative, and salty, and sealed the promise between us. 

I slept better that night than any in the past couple months wrapped tightly in Juliana’s arms.  
*** 

We agreed the next morning to take a few days off from wedding planning. The planning had put an obvious strain on our relationship. Sure, we had resolved some of the issues we had, and a bit of the doubt I harbored was slipping away, but we weren’t on the same page still. There was a resistance in Juliana still and a hesitance with me. If we were supposed to get married, this was not going to work for me. 

So, we decided on a weekend getaway. A little inn a few towns away, a pool, a short walk to the beach, and endless pampering. The idea was to relax, to talk, to find the common ground we needed.  
This wedding would not plan itself—though Eva and the rest of my family seemed to have it under control without us. All I knew was I loved Juliana and I wanted this to work.

A quaint town filled with cafes, museums, and the occasional excursion that we didn’t have access to otherwise. When we first met, those first couple days, it was a slew of random adventures. Both of us bringing the other to a place that let us bond, connect, and explore. I mean, sure, it was just laser tag and an arcade bar, but it was an adventure to us. Nothing like the coin flipping adventures Juliana and Segio used to go on, but it was unique to us. It brought Juliana and I together in a genuine way. I thought, maybe, this would be a trip that could bring us back together again. 

“It’s cute,” Juliana said as we pulled up in front of the Seaside Inn, which was aptly named. The parking at the back of the building sat at the very edge of land, waves crashed against the cement structure holding the cars. Seaside Inn was an old cottage styled with discolored brown singles lining the exterior and white trimming chipped off in places due to the salty sea air. The front porch has several rocking chairs and tables, a couple sat at one of the tables, coffee between them and books in their hands. Inside, there was a small lounge, soft music flits through the air. 

“Hello!” A cheery middle-aged man called as we walked toward the front desk. He smiled warmly, “welcome to Seaside Inn, checking in?” 

“Yes, reservation under Valentina Carvajal,” I said watching as he scrolls for a couple minutes in silence. “I believe I spoke to David on the phone to confirm the other day.”

“Ah, yes, yes, my husband likes to place reservations under first names instead of last name. No matter how many times I tell him that it makes no sense, he does it anyway,” the man shook his head still smiling. “Anyway, yes, Miss Carvajal. Two nights, king bed, and a balcony. You’ll be in room 112, up the stairs and to the right. If you need anything, my name’s Jack, and if you see a big lumberjack looking guy, that’s David. Don’t be afraid to approach us! Have a nice stay!” 

We thank Jack and head up the stairs to our room. It was an awkwardly shaped room in the corner of the Inn. The bed sat again an angled wall, large bed posts blocked the view to the television on an adjacent wall. The room was...different. So poorly designed it actually worked. The sliding doors to the balcony were across from the door to the massive bathroom. 

“Holy shit, Juls,” I gasped as I entered the bathroom. She came up behind me. “That’s a giant bathtub.”

“Bathtub? Vale, it’s basically a swimming pool,” Juliana said in awe. “We’re trying this out tonight.” 

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” I laughed as we both made our way to the balcony to check out the view. I leaned against the railing watching the sun start its descent into the horizon when Juliana came up behind me. She snaked her arms around my waist and tucked herself against my back. Her chin rested on my shoulder as we both took in the sight of oranges and reds bleeding into the sky. “We should get dinner.” 

“Few more minutes,” She whispered in my ear, a soft kiss placed below my ear. “I’m happy right here.” 

“Me too,” I responded quietly. “I’m also really hungry.” I tilted my head back slightly, eyeing her through my peripherals, a smirk settling on my lips. She huffed jokingly and pulled away. 

“Mood ruiner,” she rolled her eyes. “Come on, I think I saw a burger place on our drive in.” 

“It’ll have nothing on the burgers from the park by our house,” I pointed out, but let her drag me out the door to our hotel room anyway. We wandered down the street hand in hand as the sunlight dwindled and the street lights flickered on. People milled about on every corner, in every restaurant. Neon lights in windows signaled a psychic, a club, and even a late night sex toy shop. To which Juliana adamantly refused to go into. 

I convinced her to go with me the next day.

The burger place we ended up at was dimly lit and the bar inside was packed. We managed to get a table quickly, our order placed, and our conversation fell to easy topics. We talked about our jobs, our friends, avoided any and all topics that were connected to our wedding. I listened as she raved about how smart her students were, how excited she was for the new school year. I was excited for her, seeing how happy she was to finally put her degree to good use.

She could talk endlessly about her students, and I could listen for hours. Didn’t stop her from asking about the newspaper. It wasn’t that I didn’t like to talk about my articles, I honestly felt bored with it sometimes. Every week a new assignment, no connections, no topics that had a large impact in the grand scheme of things. Juliana was making a difference and I was interviewing the old lady in town about her secret cookie recipe. 

“Stop asking your dad for the stories you want, Val, and start telling him the story you’re going to write,” Juls said as she pointed at me with a french fry. 

“Who says he’ll even run it?” 

“Who says he won’t?” She challenged me before taking a bite of the french fry. Before I could respond the waiter came back with the check and placed it in front of Juliana. She smirked when he walked off. “See that? Means he thinks I’m the top in this relationship.”

“You are so not the top,” I scoffed and snagged the check to place my card in the slot. 

“We’ll see,” she said. “Place the check between us, let’s see who he gives it back to.”

“This is stupid,” I rolled my eyes but still played along. We waited quietly for him to take the check away and come back. And when he finally did…

“Told you, he knows a top when he sees one,” she smirked again after the check was placed back in front of her. 

“Proves nothing.” I crossed my arms over my chest. 

“Doesn’t disprove it either,” Juliana shrugged. We started to exit the restaurant when she turned back to me with a grin, “but we both know who tops in bed.” A few people whipped their heads in our direction, heat flooded my fast. 

“Juliana!” I hissed, but she was already out the door cackling. 

We ran through the night with her leading me back the way we came. We passed the psychic den, the outdoor fire pit attached to a bar, and into an open air shopping center. Our feet slapped against the concrete, laughter echoing through the desolate space. Just us and the endless night that stretched out in all directions. 

In the middle of the shopping center a large hole in the roof let the stars shine into the area. It felt like an open air gazebo; a massive open air gazebo at that. Juliana was swinging around the support beams grinning wildly at me as I finally caught up. 

“Took you long enough,” she teased and released the pole and came over to me. 

“You had a head start.” A pout edged its way onto my face, but Juls quickly kissed it away. 

“But you caught me.” She smiled and slid her arms around my neck gently. 

“You know I’ll always catch you, Juliana.” She pressed her forehead against mine, body swaying to a song only she can hear. I let her lead me in a slow circle, the moonlight filling the darkness around us. 

“I love you, Val,” Juliana whispered, eyes bored into mine. I thought back to all doubt I had before this trip, before the promise, and I wondered if maybe I was overreacting. She loved me, I knew that. I could feel it every time she looked at me, every time we touched. Looking into her eyes, tucked in her arms, dancing in the moonlight, I felt like we were finally on the same page and moving forward. 

“I love you, Juls.”  
*** 

We spent the weekend chasing the sun and the moon. Days were spent exploring museums, antique shops, and even managing to convince Juliana that ziplining was totally a good idea (it was not). Nights were spent nestled together on the beach, in the bed, learning each other’s bodies all over again. It was like we were a newly born couple not a newly engaged one. But, in a way, it worked for the better. We were a team again. She anticipated my needs and I anticipated hers. 

When we finally got home, I had started to believe we were finally getting somewhere. That Juliana would be happily engaged in this wedding planning process. And, for a little while, she was. She had an opinion that didn’t always agree with mine or my family’s. Sometimes, it did, but she would have a good reason. 

We had booked vendors, and a DJ, and even found beautiful dresses for the both of us. Our color scheme was picked, bouquets were ordered, everything we ever dreamed of. We just needed to figure out the cake. I didn’t want anything dramatic, nor did Juliana. No longer was she just pushing aside her wants for my happiness, she was letting herself enjoy these moments with me. 

Or so I thought. 

What didn’t occur to me was that maybe she was playing along just to make me happy. Maybe it didn’t have a single thing to do with herself and still only had to do with me. Or maybe I was reading too much into all of it. 

We were at a cake tasting, trying so many different combinations of batter, and frosting, and even fillings. Each cake I tasted was better than the last, even Juliana was giddy over it. It was all going well, until it wasn’t. It was a stupid argument, so so incredibly stupid, but I picked the fight and I kept it going. 

The baker brought out another cake, it was more simplistic than the rest. Though the design I had in mind was simple, I had wanted a more bold flavor. Something that really popped. Juliana didn’t agree with that. 

“I think we should go with this one,” she gestured to the simplistic one. 

“Do you like it best?” I asked, taking another bite of a different cake. 

“Well, not necessarily,” she said. “It’ll appeal to more people, your family would love it.” And that was it. In my head all I heard was her picking my family again. She was choosing what was best for them, not what was best for her, for us. 

I pushed back my chair, “I thought we were past this.” 

“What--Valentina, wait!” She called after me as I rushed out the door of the bakery to the street. Rain was rapidly falling. We left the umbrella in the bakery. We both were getting soaked to the bone, but neither of us moved to fix the situation. 

“I really thought you were done deciding things based on what my family or I want,” I said turning quickly to face her. 

“That’s not--Vale, that’s not what I was trying to do.” Juliana’s face was blank, an expression I’d grown to know. She was hiding, retreating, trying not to lay all her cards on the table. It was something she did without thought, reverting back to her old ways. I could practically hear the bricks being stacked as she built her walls back up. 

“Give me space, please,” I started to back up, but her outstretched hand grabbed my wrist gently. 

“Please, Val, come inside, let me explain.” Her eyes softened, pleading for a chance. But I was too in my thoughts, too in my doubts. I shook her off. 

“I need air,” I said and crossed the road. Or tried to anyway. Everything was a blur. I remember stepping into a puddle in the street. There was screeching of tires. I could hear my name being yelled in the faint distance as I turned to face the truck careening towards me. 

“Val!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live for any and all comments and feedback! 
> 
> Check out the moodboard I made for this story/chapter here! [Save Me Prologue/Part One Moodboard](https://zags96.tumblr.com/post/186055903173/save-me-by-zags96-a-best-of-me-sequel-everything?is_related_post=1)
> 
> Also, feel free to follow my [tumblr](https://zags96.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Also, also, this is a tumblr I made with a friend, we post juliantina moodboards! [juliantina-moodboards tumblr](https://juliantina-moodboards.tumblr.com)


	3. Part Two: I'm trapped inside myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So, I randomly sat down and wrote this and it may not be great but I wanted to give you all something. I really love this story and I hope this chapter at least propels the plot forward.

The stairwell is brightly lit. Footsteps echo occasionally as doctors and nurses move throughout the hospital. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here. Or how a flask of alcohol even appeared in my hand. I don’t care to question it. I just drink. And drink. And drink. I couldn’t stand to be in that room anymore. Couldn’t stand the beeping and the crying and the questioning glances.

They know. They all know. My whole family is keenly aware that Juliana and I have been fighting a lot lately. That we aren’t on the same page—or at least that’s what I was feeling. I don’t know how Juls feels...I don’t know if I will ever know.

It’s only been a few days, but the longer it takes for her to wake up the less likely it becomes that she’ll wake up at all. And if she does wake up...what will become of us? Will she leave me? Hate me? Resent me?

I take another swig of alcohol. It doesn’t burn as it goes down. Not anymore. I stopped feeling things the moment Juliana’s body fell limply to the ground.

Old habits die hard, right?

I’ve been here before. I’ve been in the hospital room and the ambulances. I’ve seen the flashing red lights and the fluorescent filled hallways. I’ve heard the bad news and the finality of a heart monitor flat lining …

I have been here before.

With Mae.

And that ended with a funeral, not a wedding.

***

“Valentina,” Eva’s voice cuts through the drunken haze that has filled my brain. I found my way outside to a bench in front of the hospital. It’s down pouring now. A fresh bottle of alcohol in my hand. How do I keep getting these?

The rain has soaked through my clothing, but all I feel is the warmth of the alcohol and the deep ache in my chest.

“What?” I say keeping my eyes trained on the road ahead of me. Cars race through the rain, headlights cutting through the sheets of water coming down. Eva’s feet smack against the puddles on the ground as she walks toward me. The rain pelting against my body stops as her umbrella covers us both. I don’t chance looking at her. Her eyes are burning a hole in the side of my face but I won’t look. I can’t.

“Why are you out here?”

“I can’t be in there…” I sigh taking another drink from the bottle.

“You’re drunk.”

“No shit.”

“Hey...” Eva says softly, putting her hand over mine to stop me from taking another swig. “She needs you.” The image of Juliana laying in that hospital bed flashes behind my eyes. Wires, tubes, casts, and bruises. Broken and barely alive. And it’s my fault.

I pull the bottle away from Eva, swallowing several gulps of alcohol.

She reaches for the bottle again, but I try to stop her. We both watch as the bottle falls from my hand and shatters on the group. Alcohol mixing with the rain. I turn to my sister, eyes wet and burning.

“Fuck you.”

“Val…”

“No. No!” I stand pushing away from her, glass crunching under my shoes as I walk away from her. “Fuck you, Eva! Fuck all of you. I can’t be there, I can’t watch her die. Not like—everyone I love dies. Don’t you see that?”

“You’re not to blame,” Eva is looking at me carefully. I am glass. I am empty, hollow. The rain echoes off my bones. Eva’s eyes bore through me. “She’s not gone. She is still up there, she is fighting. You need to be there with her, Valentina.” She doesn’t wait for my response. Her footsteps recede and the hospital doors whoosh open and closed.

I’m alone.

***

Lucia drags me home with the help of Guille and Renata. My dad and Eva stay behind with Juliana. At least I know they’re watching over her. Lucia had found me outside after Eva disappeared. She said I was just standing in the road. I don’t remember why, she told me that I said I was waiting.

She was too afraid to ask me what I was waiting for.

But we both knew.

Guille had to carry me to the car. I wouldn’t budge. My brain was screaming for me to move, to speak, to do something other than just stand there. But I was rooted in place. So he carried me off. I barely realized it. Barely noticed.

Everything moving slowly and quickly all at once.

One minute I’m in the rain, next I’m in the back seat of the car with Guille holding onto me tightly. And then we’re at my parents house. I quietly thank them for not taking me to mine and Jul’s house…I don’t think I could handle it. All the memories, all the moments that led up to this shit show…

They leave me to showe alone.

“Warm up, change your clothes,” Lucia says carefully, laying her hand on my arm. “I’ll make some food for when you’re done.” With that she disappears out the door.

I take a minute and look around. My bedroom hasn’t changed since...well since I came home with a fake girlfriend. The only thing that’s new is the framed photo of Juliana and I on the dresser. Right next to the photo of Mae and I by the bridge.

“I got you something,” Juliana said one day we were visiting my parents house.

“Oh, is it something we can use at home?” I winked and her laughter filled the room.

“No, not that kind of gift, love.” She pulled a package from her bag on the floor and handed it to me. When I unwrapped it I found a gold frame holding an old picture of Juls and I from last christmas. Guille had taken it right before Juliana pelted me with a snowball. We were facing each other, grinning like fools, and the snowball could be seen behind Juliana’s back. But it was sweet and goofy and perfect.

“I love it,” I whispered looking back up at her. “Why give it to me here?” She turned around and looked at the old photo of Mae and I.

“We don’t have any pictures of Mae at our house,” she said. “I know you may not want them there with us, in your new chapter of life with me, but I think she’d be happy to know you’re happy. And this is the only place I know that there are photos of her…. It’s kind of silly in hindsight.” She blushed so brightly.

“Thank you,” I kissed her softly before placing the frame beside Mae.

It was sweet. It felt like everything coming full circle. That I could be okay again and happy. That Mae, whether she could see us or not, would know we were happy—that I was happy.

In the end, I’ve done nothing but cause harm to both of them.

I knock the pictures over and storm into the bathroom. Rivers behind my eyes flood and spill over. I just want a drink to numb this all. I just want to forget.

***

Lucia comes to find me later. I haven’t made it out of the bathroom. Really, I haven’t even made it to shower properly. Not a single ounce of energy is in my body, not to stand, not to shower, not even to undress. I just turned the water on and sat there under the heavy fall of water. It’s all I could feel. The warmth of the water, the constant thumping of the drops of water as it rains down around me. Even that’s not enough though. Not enough to erase the hurt etched on Juliana’s face as she raced after me out the door of the bakery. Not enough to erase the blood in the street. It’s not enough. Nothing is enough.

So Lucia holds me as I cry.

She holds me under the water as I cling to her desperately. I feel like I’m drowning. I am drowning.

“I love her,” I sob. “I love her, I can’t lose her.”

“I know,” Lucia runs her hand over my hair. “You should be there for her, honey. She really does need you now, more than before.”

“I’m so scared, Lucia. She’s—she’s everything to me.”

***

“Can I ask you something, Vale?” Guille comes up to me after I finally showered and dressed. I simply nod. “You were fighting when the accident happened, right?”

“Guille, I really don’t—” He places his hand over mine. “Yes.”

“Why? Was it the wedding stuff again?”

“It was about the cake…” I whisper casting my eyes down to the floor. “She picked the one that she thought would make other people happy…”

“So, you fought because she wanted to make sure you spent your money on a cake people would actually eat and enjoy?” Guille points out cautiously.

All the gears slowly turn in my head. Pieces falling into place leaving me another sobbing mess in the arms of my brother.

“Oh, fuck, what have I done?”

“I love you, Val, but you’re an idiot.” I smack his arm away, a small laugh falls from my lips.

“I know, okay, I know.” The tears still fall freely. “God, she was just trying to make me happy. She was being so kind and empathetic toward other people and I just—fuck.”

“Why?” Guille speaks up after a few minutes.

“What?”

“Why did you feel like she wasn’t invested in the wedding?”

“I—I guess it wasn’t really about her,” I admit quietly. “I still think about it, you know.” He waits for me to continue. I wipe my face on my sleeve. “When she left with Sergio. I know it was a few years ago, I know she came back. But sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and check that she’s there. I still worry that when she leaves for the day or a weekend that she isn’t going to come back. That day I waited in the town square for her to show up...I can’t forget the way it made me feel. Waiting for her like I was the consolation prize. Like she didn’t find what she was looking for with Sergio so she came back to me. I mean, that’s what happened right?”

“She feels something with you that she doesn’t with Sergio, isn’t that enough?”

“Damn it, Guille, she still fucking left me!”

“Vale, that was years ago...you need to move on from that. You shouldn’t—” He cuts himself short. But I know.

“Marry her.” I whisper, voice broken and small. “That’s all I keep thinking...and it’s only gotten worse the more we keep planning this wedding. How can I marry her if I keep thinking that she’s going to leave me again?”

***

They wanted to leave for the hospital again after we ate. But my talk with Guille had done nothing but scare me more. I found my way to the alcohol, the large room filled with wines and whiskeys. I opened the first bottle I could find and started to drink it.

I love her. I know I love her, there has never been a single doubt in my body that I love her. She came into my life. I gave her my all, my everything, the best of me I had to offer. And she saved me. Saved me from a life of meaningless relationships and a despair that I couldn’t shake no matter how hard I tried. Juliana was a light through the darkness that hung over me.

And she left. She left and I get it. I really do. I was scared at the time, too. Scared of what I was starting to feel for her. Scared that the carefully built life I had was crumbling and I was going to lose the safety and comfort I had grown used to. She ran. She ran to the man she swore she didn’t love anymore.

But she came back to me. Juliana came back to me. That’s what should matter right? Not that she left but that she came back. She came back and she proved time and time again that she loved me. That it was me she chose to spend the rest of her life with.

I can’t stop the doubt that wells up inside me.

As the thoughts fill my head in a riptide, all I can do is keep drinking until they fade away.

I made it to my second bottle of alcohol when I heard footsteps approach.

“Valentina!” Guille’s voice calls for me. I pull myself into the corner tightly and hold the bottle against my chest. “Val, where are—” His phone ringing breaks his sentence. “Hello? How is she doing? Worse...really?”

Worse?

“We’re trying to get her back there, but—yeah. It’s hard for her, you remember what happened after Mae…You’re afraid of that too, huh? Look, Eva, we’re gonna try to get there soon. Alright, bye.”

Juliana’s getting worse. She really may not wake up…

“Vale, please, we need to go,” Guille pleads from a few feet away. And then he sighs, whispering, “fuck, she really can’t handle another loss like this…”

“Is she going to die?” I ask stumbling out from behind the racks of alcohol. Guille jumps back at my sudden appearance.

“Wh—have you been drinking again?” He groans holding a hand to his chest before reaching for the bottle in my hand. I dodge him and step back.

“Just fucking tell me!”

“She—Juliana is getting worse and you need to be there, You have to be there for her. I know you’re scared, I know you don’t want to lose her. But you have a chance to be there for her when you didn’t get the chance with—”

“Don’t you dare…” My eyes bore into his

“—Mae.”

A scream rips through me, the bottle flies out of my hand and across the room. The bottle shatters against the wall.

“Valentina!” Lucia yells as she steps into the room with us. Her eyes wide in horror.

I point my finger at Guille, tears brimming, hands shaking, “how dare you?”

“You didn’t get to be there for Mae when she died, you were too late,” he steps toward me slowly. His arms wrap around me just as my knees buckle and I start to collapse. “But you aren’t too late to be by Juliana’s side. Good or bad, you get to be there.”


	4. Part Three: Save me, I need your love before I fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop- did I crank out a chapter today just because I could? YES I DID. So please, enjoy! We're approaching the end soon. I never intended for this to be a long story, just kind of a series of moments through this. ANyway!

We make it back to the hospital an hour later. And I’m praying—I’m screaming to the heavens—that Juliana is still there. Guille is right. Even if she doesn’t make it...even if I lose Juliana, I have to be by her side. I have to hold her hand and kiss her forehead and tell her to fight. To stay here with me. That I love her and no matter what I will never leave her.

Our fight was stupid. Fuck, it was the dumbest argument I could have ever picked. I fought with her over a cake. A goddamn cake. She just wanted everyone to be happy and comfortable. She is kind and considerate and so goddamn empathetic toward other people and I just—I used it as a weapon against her. Made her change who she was because I was the insecure one. Because I said yes to a major question and I’m terrified I wasn’t ready.

I’m paralyzed. I feel nothing but fear as we walk through the hospital doors. The brightly lit hallways burn my eyes. Or maybe it’s the tears that haven’t stopped falling since this all began.  
Guille holds my hand as he guides me through the maze of corridors to Juliana’s room. The rest of my family waits in there with her. Eva has Bella in her lap next to Juliana’s bedside. Bella has a book in her hands, one of her favorite Dr. Suess books. Every time Juliana and I visit Eva and Mateo, Bella makes Juls read it to her. She thinks it funny when Juliana stumbles over the fast paced rhyming words.

The tears fall faster watching Bella read the words from the pages just like Juls did. Silly voices, gestures, the whole shabang. Guille’s arm wraps tightly around me, Lucia’s hand squeezing mine before walking toward my dad. They kiss chastly.

“I’m going to run to get some food,” he says planting a kiss on my head.

“I should feed Bella, too, and give Mateo a call,” Eva adds. Bella pouts but closes the book and places it on Juliana’s lap.

“Don’t worry Auntie, I’ll finish this when we get back,” Bella whispers and pats Juliana’s hand. “I think she misses you,” She says to me next as her and Eva head toward the exit of the room.

“Bella,” Eva starts to pull her daughter away. I stop her and crouch down to my nieces level.

“I miss her, too,” I say softly. Bella reaches forward brushing the tears off my face.

“Maybe you can finish the book while I eat,” Bella suggests. “Auntie always loves listening to you read. She gets this big smile every time.”

“No, no, I’ll save the book for you, munchkin.” I kiss Bella’s cheek and stand back up. “I think I just want some privacy with her...if that’s okay.” The rest of my family members nod and start to filter out of the room. Guille is the last to leave.

“I’ll be right outside the door, if you need me.” The door clicks shut behind me. I’m left alone with beeping machines and the shell of the woman I love.

***

I don’t speak for a while. Nothing comes. I sit next to her, holding her hand in mine, and let the beeping filled the room.

It’s scary. Seeing her like this. Not knowing if she will wake up. Not knowing what will happen if she does…

Scary because the last time I was in this situation Mae died.

Because Juliana still thinks I’m mad at her. She only remembers my anger, not that I love her. That I forgive her. That everything that has happened between us in the past months have been my fault. It’s all my fault.

“I’m sorry, my love.” My whisper breaks through the machines. “I never meant—I never wanted this to happen. You—fuck. You are everything to me. Please, please. Don’t leave me, keep fighting. I’m begging you, Juliana. Please, fight for me. For you. For us.”

***

My dad shakes me awake. I lift my head from it’s spot on Juliana’s bed. My hand still holding hers. He silently hands me a cup of coffee.

“Thanks,” I say taking it graciously. The hot liquid burns going down my throat. It tastes awful. Watered down. Not at all prepared the way Juliana does it…

“How are you feeling?” He rubs circles on my back as I stare down at the cup in my hand.

“I’m not feeling much of anything,” I mutter weakly. “I just want her to wake up, dad.”

“I know, honey. We all want that.” He leans down and places a kiss on my head. “Eva and I are gonna take Bella to the house for a proper meal and some sleep. Call us if...if anything changes.” I nod and thank him again. And then it’s just me and Juliana again.

“This coffee is shit,” I say to her eventually. “You’d probably make some joke about how our toilet water could make better coffee than this.” A broken chuckle tumbles from my lips, but it’s quickly swallowed by a sob. “It’s only been a few days without you, Juls. I mean, you’re still here...but not really. It hurts. I’m just this empty broken thing, and I can’t help but blame myself for all of this.”

I stand from the chair I’ve been glued to and walk over to my bag. Guille and Lucia didn’t notice me slip a little bottle of alcohol into my bag. And being here alone with her...I don’t have the courage to do this without a little help. I pop the top off and drink some as I pace the length of the room.

“I’m terrified, Juli. The thought of losing you...I don’t want to think about it but it creeps in. I try to keep it at bay, try to stop the thoughts from filling my head. A whole where you no longer exist? That’s my worst nightmare.” I take a big gulp of alcohol. It burns the whole way down. “God, if you could see me right now.” I shake my head with a humorless chuckle. “You’d smack this bottle so far from my hands. Everyone else has tried too, but I can’t stop. It’s all I have right now. All that keeps me feeling sane. Well, really, keeping me numb. I’d rather be numb than feel my whole being break at the thought of losing you.”

I sit back down in the chair. Bottle in one hand, Juliana’s hand in the other.

“The doctor’s say your declining. Is it shitty that I’m only here because of that?” I admit. “I mean, that’s not the only reason, but it’s what got me here. In this room. Guille said I needed to be here for you like I couldn’t be for Mae. That was my biggest regret when I lost her. You know that. If I had just come home just a little bit sooner maybe she would have—I don’t know. I wouldn’t have met you though. But then again, you wouldn’t be in this goddamn hospital bed if it weren’t for me.”

More alcohol down my throat. More tears fall from my eyes. My grip on her hand tightens.

“I’m scared you won’t wake up,” I say between sobs. “I’m scared you will and I’ll have to tell you that I wasn’t sure we should get married yet. You would’ve understood, I know you would’ve. I’ve never met someone as understanding as you, but that doesn’t mean it’ll hurt any less.

“These stupid fights we’ve been having, they’re not your fault. I think I was just sabotaging it for us because I didn’t want to admit that—that I’m still haunted by you leaving me. You left me once, Juliana. At a time when I really believed you would stay. I hoped you would.” I set the bottle on the ground, cap back on. I climb into the bed beside her, careful of the wires and the cast on her left leg. My arm falls gently over her chest, the other tucked under my own head. Hand caressing her hair back. Words barely a whisper, I say, “and now you might leave me without a chance for me to tell you any of this. To tell you I love you, I need you to come back to me. That I need you to fight for your life right now. I hate that it took me almost losing you to realize that I do want to marry you. I do. I know you would never leave me, not willingly. Not without a fight. So goddamn it, Juliana. Fight.”

I can’t help the waves of sobs that shake me from my core. Tears soaking her hair. The grip I have on her shoulder borders on bruising but I need to feel her. Need to hold her as tightly as I can. Maybe it’ll wake her up. Maybe it’ll keep her in her body. Maybe it won’t feel like she’s floating away from my grasp.

“You smell like a distillery,” A weak voice mumbles beside me.

“Jul—baby?” I gasp pulling back to look at her. Her eyes flutter open slowly. She coughs and closes her eyes again.

“Hi,” she whispers and I can’t help it. I pepper kisses all over her face.

“Oh, my god, I—I really thought,” I break down again. “I love you, I’m so sorry. I was an idiot.”

“I love you.” She tries to smile, but flinches. “But you really do smell.” Juliana frowns at me for a moment. “Drinking too much again?” Her voice is hoarse. Scratchy to the point that she sounds like she’s been smoking a pack a day for her whole life. I look anywhere but at her.

“I’m going to get the nurse.” I start to pull away from her but she holds me close.

“In a minute.” She tucks back into my side, burying her face against my chest. “The last thing I remember is us being mad at each other.”

I gulp, “I’m so glad I didn’t lose you.”

“Me too,” she sighs.

***

Eventually, Juls let me get the nurse and doctor. My family came rushing back to the hospital, too. I had to hide the bottle of alcohol pretty quickly, but it didn’t stop my family from noticing. Lucia, my dad, and Bella stayed in the room with Juliana after the doctors left when my brother and sister dragged me from the room. Both were furious with me. Still are furious as they stare at me in the waiting area.

“I cannot believe you,” Eva says throwing her hands in the air. “The only way you could be there for her was by being drunk? Are you kidding me, Vale?”

“Get off your high horse,” I counter. “You don’t—you have no idea what it’s like. I almost lost her. She could’ve died!”

“We all know that,” Guille tries the more gentle approach. “But none of us want to see you fall back into the habit of drinking to cope.”

“Don’t baby her, Guillermo.” Eva scoffs at him and turns her attention to me. “We were there to pick up the pieces when Mae died. You drank yourself into a stupor for months—”

“And you all immediately tried to force me into dating to get over it!” I yell. Guille grabs my arm to keep be back. “I never got to grieve. I was expected to be okay, and move on. Of course I fucking drank. At least then I could pretend to be happy. At least I didn’t feel any of the pain.”

“But you stopped, didn’t you?” My brother looks at me carefully, but sternly. I nod. “Then you can do it again. Juliana helped a lot with getting you to feel things again, don’t let this be the downfall of all the progress you made. She’s alive. Focus on that.”

***

Juliana could finally leave the hospital a few days after waking up. She was okay, nothing life threatening. But she is confined to a wheelchair or crutches for now to get around because of her broken leg. She has concussion that I have to monitor, but we’re home.

Well, actually, we’re at my parents house. But she’s the one staying there, not me. It has the easiest access for her. A main floor room she can sleep in that has access to a bathroom and the kitchen with wheelchair. Our house doesn’t offer her that and I want her to be comfortable.

We also agreed it might be best to have some space. To think. To work on getting better.

It was my idea.

I want to be there for her, I really do. And I will be for the most part. We’re not taking a break. We’ll still talk and see each other. I can’t abandon her like that. But we did agree it was best while I tried to work through the mess I became. I still find myself drinking when I don’t need to be. Even though she’s okay, even though I know she would never leave me, I can’t help the pull that draws me to alcohol; the comfort I find in it.

Guille will be staying with me. Eva tried, she thought I needed her personal brand of tough love. But Guille convinced her it should be him. Eva got Juliana duty with my dad and Lucia. She didn’t seem to mind though. Along the way, Eva and Juliana have grown incredibly close. Especially considering Bella’s relationship with Juliana. That little girl loves her and looks up to her so much.

“You don’t have to do this,” Juliana says as I grab my bag to leave. We’re in her room at my parents house. She’s laying on the bed, her leg elevated on a few pillows. I walk back over to her, bag slung over my shoulder, and take a seat on the edge of the bed. I tuck a piece of hair behind her ear and offer her a small smile.

“I want to be the best version of me for you,” I explain again. “You deserve that.”

“Sleeping without you is weird.” Juliana frowns at the idea of doing it again.

“It is, but I need to do this, baby. You need to focus on getting yourself better, and I need to do the same for myself.” I press a kiss to her temple. “But I will be back in the morning, okay?”

“Will you call me tonight?”

“Don’t I always?” I smile softly and kiss her one last time before leaving. The moment the front door shuts behind me I release a sigh. Guille strolls up from the walkway and takes my hand.

“It won’t always be this hard,” he tries to reassure me.

“I miss her.” He wraps his arm around my shoulder and guides me to the car idling in the driveway. Renata sits in the passenger seat, she smiles and waves as we approach.

“And you will see her tomorrow. You made this decision, and I agree that it was the best call to make. You can’t be there for her completely, you can’t give her your all if you can’t give it to yourself,” he pauses by the car door, hand on the handle. “Self care is not selfish, Valentina. You are there for her as much as you can be right now, that’s all that matters.” He opens the door for me and I climb in.

Turning to him I ask, “when did you get so wise?”

“I’ve always been wise, you’ve just been stubborn.”

***

It takes two months for Juliana’s cast to finally come off.

It takes another two weeks after that of physical therapy for her to angrily throw her crutches across the room in frustration. She stands on her good leg glaring at the metal tool that’s been helping her.

“I’m not getting any better.”

“You’ve only had a handful of session, love,” I say gently. I guide her over to the bed. She sits begrudgingly and looks up at me.

“What do you know? You haven’t been around.” Her words bite. I flinch and step back. “Shit, I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated.”

“Don’t take it out on me,” I whisper.

“You’re right, you’re right.” She sighs running her hands through her hair. “I need you and you aren’t around.”

“I won’t be any good to you right now.”

“It’s almost been three months, Val,” she pleads with me. Frustration clear in the crease of her brow. I wrap my arms around her and swallow my initial response. To yell, to fight back. To tell her this isn’t something that’s just going to fade away and heal quickly. Her bones may have mended in two months but I still can’t resist the way the nerves in my body scream for alcohol. I can’t stop the desire burning inside me to run to a bottle of liquor whenever things get bad. Whenever she gets frustrated or sad. When I wake up from a nightmare where she did die. I may not have had a drop of alcohol since Juliana woke up, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been close.

“Why don’t I stay with you tonight,” I offer. It’s not much. I’m hoping it’s enough.

She opens her arms and I don’t hesitate to fall into them.

For now it has to be enough.

***

We get into the same fight a month later.

She needs more.

I’m not ready to give it to her.

I want to be, maybe I should be. But I can’t get myself to do it.

Guille finds me in the basement of our parents house nursing a bottle of dad’s favorite whiskey. He snatches it from my hand. I’m too dazed to even react.

“Seriously, Valentina?” He sighs running a hand down his face. “Get up, we’re putting you to bed.”

“Nope, no, I want to go outside.” I stand up defiantly and try to march past him. He puts his arm out and stops me. “You can come too!” I grab his hand and drag him clumsily up the stairs and outside. It’s a warm summer night. The moon hangs high in the sky, a silver beacon amongst the speckles of light floating in the darkness. I drag my brother out to the bridge over the river. He sits while I peered over the edge of the bridge watching the water flow underneath me.

“She’s going to be upset,” I say finally turning to look at my brother. He doesn’t say anything. “She keeps telling me she needs me. That this arrangement isn’t working anymore.”

“Is it working for you?”

I shrug, “I thought it was.” I walk toward him and kneel on the bench beside him leaning over the side. “I want to be there for her, you know? I miss sleeping next to her and waking up to those cute sleepy smiles. But then I think about how she’s in this situation because of me. I can’t look at her without seeing that truck and her broken body. She can’t get hurt by me again if I keep my distance.”

“Juls is a big girl, sis. She can make the choice about what she wants,” he says. “You’re not letting her have a say.”

“What about my say?” I shoot back defensively. “She says she needs me and wants to live together again. But what about what I want?”

“What do you want then? Because from what you’ve been saying it sounds like you want that, you’re just scared.”

“Of course I am, Guille! Everyone that comes into my life gets hurt. I can’t do that to her again.” I push away from the side of the bridge and pace the length.

“You do realize you’re hurting her by not letting her back in, right?”

“At least she isn’t half dead in the middle of the street though.”

“For someone so smart, you’re a fucking moron, Valentina.” Guille stands up and stops me from continuing to burn a hole in the wood. “Juliana is a live. You’re fiancee is alive. You get to do this over again. This time you have a chance to reach the wedding you’ve wanted and with the woman you love. Don’t you see that?”

“Why do you bring Mae up every chance you get? It’s not always about her!” I push him back.

“Because it is about her! You’re whole life from the moment she died has been about her.”

“Stop,” I say pushing him back again. He stumbles but keeps talking.

“All your problems, all the things you’re terrified of surround Mae.” I reach to push him again but he grabs my wrists. I thrash against him violently trying to break free, trying to hurt him how he’s hurting me. Despite not wanting to cry again, because it seems like that’s all I’ve been doing, the tears fall anyway. He pulls me tight against his chest and holds me close.

“I don’t know why I’m running from her,” I cry into Guille’s shirt. “You’re right though, I have a do over, as messed up as that sounds. Mae and I never got our happily ever after, but I can have it with Juliana.”

“You can.”

“But I’m being a drunk idiot instead.”

“You are.”

“I’m gonna throw up now.”

“You are—what?”

That’s how we end up back inside with me stumbling around trying to help my puke covered brother. Eva appears beside us, anger radiating off her in waves. I can see her about to say something, her mouth open reading to fire. But Juliana swoops in, one crutch under her arm, and a dissarming smile.

“I’ve got her, Eva, you help your brother.” Juliana does her best to get me to her room. She lays me down in the bed and collapses next to me. “Why do you keep doing this?”

“I don’t deserve you, but I want you in my life,” I sigh sinking into the bed under the covers. “I’m sorry I keep fucking up and running away. You don’t deserve that, but I hope you’ll still have me.”  
Juliana’s hand reaching out and grabs mine. “I love you, even if you’re an idiot.”

“You’re not the first person to call me that today.” She laughs and I snuggled into her side careful of her leg. “I know we haven’t talked about it much since...you know, but I do still want to marry you, Juliana.”

“Go to sleep, Val.” She whispers against my head, her lips pressing against my temple.

“Okay,” I yawn. “But I love you, and I want to live with you again. I—”

“Baby, sleep. We can talk in the morning.” I chance a look up at her. It’s dark, I can barely make out the outline of her face. But I lean up anyway, guided only by the memorized map of her face, placing a barely there kiss on the corner of her mouth. I feel her smile.

“Goodnight, Juli.”

Maybe, even though we are both broke in our own ways, we can heal together.


	5. Part Four: Within this pitch black darkness, you are shining so brightly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST CHAPTER ENJOY BABIES

It hasn’t been easy getting back to the way things were with Juliana and me. I mean, we are more than good now. We communicate better, we spend more time together—like actually together. My family doesn’t meddle anymore. They only offer me or Juliana advice when we ask, and lately we’ve taken to trying to work things out between each other than running to someone else to solve our problems. It leads to a lot of sleepless nights and exhausted mornings, but it works. We don’t sleep angry. We take a minute of space if things get too heated. But we never let the other feel like we don’t love them or that we aren’t going to try our best.

It started small. We stayed at my parents’ house for a few weeks sharing that room while Juls worked up the strength to be able to at least climb the stairs to make it to our bedroom at home. She wasn’t happy with how I had broken my sober streak over our fight. I wasn’t happy about it either. But from that day onward, I swore not to drink a drop of alcohol again. Not for any reason. And she promised to help.

That morning after I threw up on Guille, I woke up to a pounding headache and a beautiful girl holding me tightly against her chest. It was easy to promise myself to never hurt her again. Softly lit by the morning sun, puffy eyes from crying the night before. I knew it had been over me. She stirred and her eyes locked with mine. There was a small smile, one that didn’t quite reach her eyes, but it was something.

“I’m sorry,” I said immediately.

“Good morning to you, too,” she stretched and kissed my forehead. “I forgave you already, love, don’t worry so much.”

“No, I’m sorry for everything,” I held to hand tightly on her chest. “You deserve more than what I have been giving you. I—I was scared.”

“Of what?”

“Losing you...again.”

“Val,” she whispers, her hand tilting my chin up forcing me to look at her. “I am never going to willingly leave you again. That—leaving with Sergio is my biggest regret. I never should have done that, but I was scared.”

“I know, but I kept thinking what if you got scared again, what if you leave for something more comfortable. Something easier…”

“I don’t want easy, I want you.” The way she said it, the firmness, the simplicity. I don’t really know how but it started to mend the cracks in the relationship that my own doubt created.

“Will you marry me, then?” I asked sitting up and pulling her up with me. She grinned.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

***

I don’t dare move any closer. Instead, I lean against the frame of the doorway and watch as Juliana bounces Bella on her lap. Her leg is much stronger now. She still feels pain sometimes, like when the weather is bad, or we push it too far. But right now, she giggles with our niece, fingers dancing along the little girls’ sides as they make up a song together.

“Bella beauty, bouncing and bright ,” Juliana sings. “Giggling girl, what a sight!”

“Auntie Juls!” She giggles. “That’s not a very good song.”

Juliana gasps. “oh? How dare you diss my song writing talents?” Juliana lifts her up and spins her in the air before gently tossing her onto the couch. She proceeds to tickle the hell out of the girl who is squealing and laughing.

“Auntie Val help!” Bella yells drawing Juliana’s attention away from her.

“I don’t know, you shouldn’t mock Juliana’s talent like that,” I grin.

“I won’t do it again, promise!”

“What do you think, Juli, has she learned her lesson?” My gaze locks with her. Her eyes bright, full of warmth I haven’t seen for a while. She taps her slender finger on her chin thoughtfully.

“Are you two bullying my daughter?” Eva asks as she struts into the room. She crosses her arms over her chest.

“Us? No, never,” I say indignantly at the same time Bella sells us out.

“Yes, they were!” She bolts up from the couch and races past her mom into the kitchen.

“Traitor!” Juliana and I yell after her, both of us laughing. Bella pokes her head out of the doorway and sticks her tongue out.

“You two are impossible,” Eva rolls her eyes. “Come on, Lucia and dad made lunch.”

“Does that mean the guillotine is on the table?” Juliana leans toward me to ask. The delightful cheer we hear from Bella in the kitchen and the way Eva races ahead of us signals that yes, the guillotine is on the table.

***

What do you think?” I step back from the wall and beckon Juls over. She looks at the two pictures frame hanging side by side in our living room. One of Mae and I and another of Juliana and me. She snakes an arm around my waist, resting her head on my shoulder.

“I love it,” she says.

“Me too,” I whisper staring at the two pictures. Two very different times in my life. Two very beautiful and wonderful women I have had the pleasure to love and know. “It feels right.”

I’m not sure how long we stand there staring at the pictures, but Juliana stands with me. She holds me and lets me just exist in the silence. And it does feel right, righter than anything in my life. All these years I have tried to separate these two chapters of my life: there was Mae and then there is Juliana But Juliana has showed me, once again, that I can love Mae and her; that they can exist in the same space, in the same world.

“I wish I could have met her,” Juliana admits after some time.

“She would have loved you,” I say pulling my eyes away from the pictures to look at my fiancée.

“Yeah?” She smiles, “do you think we would’ve been friends?” I pause thinking about Mae, my first true love. The woman who helped me grow so much in the five years we spent together. She brightened every room she stepped in, but she never let anyone see the darkness that resided within her. Juliana has the power and the patience to open people up even when they don’t want to.

Sharing a smile with her, I finally settle on, “I think you would have been a really good friend to her.”

***

I’m in the game room on the third floor with Uncle Johny, Mateo, Lucho, and his new girlfriend, Lindsey. They’re in a heated match of ping pong. Renata sits with me on the couch watching a new reality show on the tv. We’re both mocking the idiots that they find for these horrible shows. Lucia and my dad are downstairs making lunch for Bella with Tiberio and Silvina. Eva, Guille, and Juliana said they had something to do today so they disappeared a few hours ago, leaving the rest of us to mess around in the game room.

“Lindsey, I swear to god!” Lucho yells throwing his paddle down on the table. “How do you keep missing.”

“You keep hitting it off the table!” Lindsey shoots back. Mateo and Uncle Johny chuckle at the bickering couple.

“She fits right in, Lucho!” I yell at them from my seat on the couch. Everyone laughs as Lucho grumbles and tries to hide his intensifying blush at the teasing. His girlfriend, despite being annoyed with him, kisses his cheek.

“Your girlfriend hasn’t seen anything yet until she sees game night,” Juliana announces as she appears on the stairs with my brother and sister in tow.

“Game night?” Lindsey asks.

“Ugh, Juls, can you not scare away my girlfriend!” Lucho huffs and rolls his eyes. Juliana swoops over to Lucho and ruffles his hair and hugs him tightly. Lucho yells at her to let him go.

“Aw, I’m sorry, Little L! Forgive me?” She lets Lucho go and fixes him with a wide-eyed pout.

“I’m the same age as you!” He shouts. Juliana laughs and walks away. “I’m sorry about them,” Lucho gestures at the rest of us in the room. “No worries, they’re funny,” Lindsey says before Lucho can stop her. The compliment goes straight to our heads.

“Did you hear that?” Mateo nudges Uncle Johny with a grin.

“She thinks we’re funny, Lucho,” Renata pipes up from the couch.

“I think you’re gonna have to keep her,” Juliana adds with a thoughtful nod.

“If you don’t, we will,” Guille laughs. Eva rolls her eyes at all of us.

“Children, all of you are children,” she sighs.

“But you love us, Eva!” Juliana slides up next to my sister throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Right?”

“Val, please, get her off me.”

“Sorry, can’t help you,” I shrug and turn back to the show as Renata exclaims that one of the players is a terrible liar.

“I hate you all,” Eva grumbles, but everyone can hear the smile in her voice.

“As it always this chaotic?” I hear Lindsey whisper to Lucho as they come to join us on the couch.

“No,” Lucho rushes to say.

Renata leans over me to look at them, “It’s worse!” Lucho groans and melts into the couch, cheeks a bright red. Renata shoots him a thumbs up. Juliana comes up next to me, draping herself over my lap, pressing a kiss to my lips.

“I have a gift for you,” she says.

“Ooh, a gift?”

“There are children here!” Lucho yells shoving me.

“You can legally drink, you’re not a child,” Uncle Johny calls to his son.

“Not that kind of gift,” Juliana corrects, but drags me out of the room, nonetheless.

Downstairs in our room, she pulls a box out from her pocket and holds it out to me. I take the black box in my hands. It looks like a ring box honestly, like the same one she used when proposing to me. I honestly didn’t even know if we still had that box. Once she proposed I put the ring on and never took it off. Not once. But maybe she kept it. Either way, I turn the box in my hands slowly.

“What is it?”

“Open it, silly,” she laughs and urges me on. The lid to the box snaps open with ease revealing a dainty chain and a small blue gem set in a silver pendent. It’s beautiful, but I don’t really understand. Looking up at her, she smiles gently. “I saw how happy having a piece of Mae at the house made you, and I knew you kept her old stuff here. Eva and Guille helped me dig through some of the stuff and I found—”

“The engagement ring,” I whisper gazing back down at the blue gemstone. Mae never liked grand gestures or typical gifts. She was unique, so her engagement ring had to be the same. Tears brim in my eyes.

“I told you from the very beginning, I will never ask you to stop loving Mae. I don’t expect to take her place. Honestly, I don’t want to. She was a major part of your life and you have every right to have her in your life in any way you need to,” Juliana starts to explain. “Eva didn’t think picking the ring was a good idea, but I want you to have her there on our wedding day. If you want to, of course.” She notices the tears rolling down my cheeks. “Shit, I should have picked the painting like your sister suggested. I’m sorry, baby, I’ll—”

“No, it’s—it’s perfect,” I say pulling the box closer to my chest. “Thank you.” She nods and moves closer to me.

“Would you like me to put it on you?” I nod and let her take the box and necklace from my hands. She turns me around, her hand moving my hair out of the way, fingers caressing the bare skin on my neck. She clasps the necklace around me and places a quick kiss to my neck.

“You have no idea how much this means to me,” I admit looking into her eyes. She just smiles. My finger runs over the gem on the necklace and I lean in to kiss her. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”  
***

“Thank you all for coming tonight,” I say into the microphone. Our family and friends sit at the various tables at our rehearsal dinner. “It means a great deal to Juliana and me to see you all here. It’s been a crazy couple years and to have a room full of people who have loved and supported us both through everything means the world.” I look over to Juliana who’s standing beside me with a wide smile. “Dessert should be coming out any moment, so please enjoy!” I set the microphone down and take a seat beside Juliana. She places a kiss on my cheek and turns back to her conversation with Eva. Somewhere along the wedding planning, Juliana chose Eva as her maid of honor. Leaving me with my brother. But Guille took up the title of man of honor—though he really didn’t mind being called a maid of honor. Bella was more than happy to be our flower girl; a duty she has taken with the utmost seriousness. And then there’s our dog that we adopted not too long ago. A sweet long-haired pup named Mocha who we absolutely had to give in our wedding.

Juliana and I make our rounds as dessert comes out. Greeting our guests, cracking jokes. I can't help but feel upset for Juls. She doesn’t have any family, none that she has talked to or kept close in over a decade. She extended invitations to them for the wedding, but she swore she didn’t mind. She loved my family like her own, and hers has never truly been there for her. I just wish it didn’t have to be this way.

“Stop,” she says to me as we slide back into our seats.

“What?”

“I’m happy, Val.” She grips my hand in her lap. “Your family...they’re all I need.”

“They’re your family, too.” I lean my head against hers, her eyes watery and happy. The clinking of glasses pulls our attention over to my dad. “Oh great.”

“Hi, hello, I’m Leon, father of the bride,” he says then pauses, “Valentina, I’m Val’s dad. I was only allowed to give this speech if I left my little guillotine at home. And no, that isn’t a euphemism.”

“Dad!” I shout, a blush creeping up my neck.

“Right! I have never been prouder of my daughter than I am today. As many of you know, several years ago she lost her first love, Mae. We didn’t know if she would ever bounce back from that, ever put herself out there and fall in love again. And then we met Juliana, who we were convinced wasn’t real,” he shakes his head. A chorus of laughter fills the room. “For those who don’t know, Valentina thought the best thing to do instead of telling us the truth was to pretend to have a girlfriend. Juliana appeared at our house one Christmas with Vale and up until that point we didn’t even know this woman had a name! And, honestly, from the moment they walked through that door we were all convinced they were in love. They may have thought it was fake at first, but the love that blossomed between these two incredible and resilient women is beyond words.”

My dad looks at me, a soft smile on his face.

“Val, you have always been strong, but I am so proud of the woman you have grown to be. And, Juli,” he turns to her, “you have loved and supported my daughter from day one. You understand her better than anyone and I cannot thank you enough for everything you have done.” Lastly, he looks up to the ceiling in thought, and back down again, a little teary eyed. “And Mae, wherever you are, I have no doubt you are in full support of this couple. To Valentina and Juliana.” He raises his glass, and everyone follows suit. I don’t drink, neither does Juls. We’re both crying softly and smiling at my dad. He, too, is crying. Many of us are.

My fingers find the pendent resting on my collarbone and press into the gem.

Mae is here with me. With us. Juliana’s hand comes up and rests over mine as she kisses my temple.

“I love you,” I say both to Juliana and to Mae.

“Tomorrow we’ll be married,” she says quietly.

“Tomorrow you’ll be my wife,” I smile.

***

The sun is starting to set behind the trees at the venue. The water sparkles in the distance, the fading reds and yellows of the sun reflecting off it. My dad walks me down the aisle. Music quietly playing in the background as I pass by my family and friends. Guille and Eva both stand at the end of the aisle with Bella and two of our distant little cousins—one helps as flower girl and the other as the ring-bearer. They smile at me as I stride down the aisle. My dad kisses my cheeks and rushes back down to escort Juliana to me.

Guille squeezes my hand and my sister smiles brightly at me. Bella skips over to give me a hug.

Everything is bright. This feels right.

And then Juliana rounds the corner, a vision in white. I can’t help the teary smile that spreads across my face when our eyes meet.

She is a beacon in the midst of a storm.

She is a fighter on the battlefield.

She is a light in the darkest of nights.

She is a vision of pure beauty and kindness. And she is all mine.

Before I know it, Juliana is standing before me, holding my hands. The officiant speaks and most of the words go over my head until it’s time for vows.

“Do you Juliana take Valentina to be your wife?” The officiant asks.

“I do,” she grins at me.

“Do you Valentina take Juliana to be your wife?” He asks me.

“I do.” I squeeze her hands in mine. Juliana and I agreed to write our own vows, but as it becomes my turn to speak, I’m almost too choked up to say anything. I have written and rewritten them a million times and I still can’t put into words what I feel for her.

“The brides have chosen to write their own vows,” the officiant says. “Valentina will go first.”

“I met you in a coffee shop with no intention of falling in love,” I start. “I was running from my past, my pain, and I ran right into your arms. You were everything I needed then and you are everything I need now. I promise to give you my all, to never go to bed angry, to tell you how I feel, to be there for you the best that I can. I promise to choose you every day for the rest of our lives. I love you, Juli, you saved me, you gave me the best of you, and I promise to give you the best of me. I can’t wait to see where life takes us.” I’m crying now and I’m thanking the gods that I have waterproof make-up because my face would look like a racoon right now. I have to exercise so much self-control to not kiss Juliana right here, right now.

“Val,” she says with a sniffle. “I spent my life in my comfort zone, never straying too far from the bubble I built. You crashed into my life; more like I crashed into you and spilled coffee all over you.” She laughs through her tears. “You showed me that stepping out of my comfort zone can be more rewarding than anything. I never would have met you, never would have fallen in love with you. We wouldn’t be here now, and I wouldn’t know what true happiness feels like. I promise you, I will do my best to make you as happy as you make me; to hold your hand during scary movies; to drag you to laser tag when you’re feeling sad; to make your breakfast to perfection. I promise to love you and support you and to choose you every day from now until forever.”  
I can’t resist anymore. I step closer to Juliana and kiss her with everything I have. Whistles and cheering echoes through our family members until the minister coughs awkwardly.

“Sorry,” I say sheepishly, heat prickling my cheeks.

“I now pronounce you married; you may kiss your bride.” And with that Juliana sweeps me into her arms, pressing her lips against mine in an all too PG rated kiss before pulling away. As we walk back down the aisle, hand in hand, with our family cheering for us and congratulating us, all I feel is love. Happiness. I thank my old self for being too chicken to tell my family the truth; for convincing Juliana to be my fake girlfriend. Because I never would have gotten here otherwise.

With Juliana’s hand in mine we walk off into our forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story and Best of Me. I know it took me a while to finally finish this story and I hope it does not feel rushed. But I really loved this story. I hope you did as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my [personal tumblr, Zags96](https://zags96.tumblr.com/) for more updates, moodboards, and generally gay shit. 
> 
> Also, check out this moodboard I made for this chapter! [ Prologue and Part One](https://zags96.tumblr.com/post/186055903173/save-me-by-zags96-a-best-of-me-sequel-everything)
> 
> Also, also, this is a tumblr I made with a friend, we post juliantina moodboards! [juliantina-moodboards tumblr](https://juliantina-moodboards.tumblr.com)


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